Entry #6

Dear Diary,

We had our first therapy session a couple of nights ago with Dr. Wilson and it was really boring. We just sat there while he asked us a bunch of stupid questions. He asked my parents what the problem is in their marriage. We don’t have to go to therapy to answer that question because it’s simple. I think my parents just got married too young and married for the wrong reasons. As a baby I was the glue holding them together, but now that I’m older and can take care of myself they realized that they really have nothing in common. My dad is never home because he hates being there and my mom is lonely. I wanted to say all that, but I didn’t. I just sat there quietly and played with my nails. Then he asked my parents the million dollar question. He asked them if they still love each other. I could tell it was an awkward moment for my dad because he kept fidgeting. Neither of them spoke. Then he asked me what I want to get out of therapy, but I couldn’t really answer that question. I don’t really want to get anything out of therapy. I don’t even want to go to therapy, but I was dragged there against my will. I wore a long sleeve shirt because I didn’t want him to see the scars. My parents don’t even know about them.

I finally got Simon’s cell phone number. I snuck into the guys locker room during soccer practice and took his iphone from his locker. I called myself from his phone and was about to put it back when I noticed he had a missed call from Stacy Carter! That bitch! I quickly put his phone back and got out of there before somebody saw me. What am I going to do about that girl?

Entry #5

Dear Diary,

Marisa is still talking to that loser Stephen. Even after he stood her up, she’s still giving him the time of day. How could she possibly believe that he went to the wrong place??? She told him to meet her at Finnigan’s and there’s only one Finnigan’s in Deerwood. Duh! I really don’t trust this guy.

So, I did something kind of crazy this weekend. I was jonesing for Simon so I searched his last name to find his phone number. His last name is Richards. There are so many listed in Deerwood. I must have called about one hundred numbers before I finally found him. I recognized his deep sexy voice. Anyway, as soon as he answered the phone I chickened out and hung up. My plan was to tell him how I feel about him, but I decided it wasn’t a good time. I want that moment to be special. At least now I know where he lives. I added him to my contacts on my blackberry.

My parents came into my room Saturday morning to talk. They think it’s a good for us to start going to family therapy. I don’t think my dad always has to work late. I think he just uses that as an excuse to avoid spending time with us. I think he hates his life. When my parents were young my dad knocked up my mom. My dad married her because he felt it was the right thing to do. Now they hate each other. My mom is constantly complaining about him, and now they want to go to therapy? To tell you the truth I’m scared. I’m afraid to get my hopes up just to be disappointed. I mean, I don’t want my dad to leave, but I don’t want them together if they’re just going to fight all the time. So, where does that leave me?

Entry #3

Dear Diary,

I’m lying in bed but I can’t sleep.  I can’t stop thinking about Simon.  I haven’t seen him all weekend and I’m going crazy.  I miss him so much that it hurts.  I’m actually looking forward to going to school tomorrow so we can see each other.  The last time I saw him was Friday after fifth period.  He was standing in the hall talking to that slut Stacy Carter.  She sleeps with everyone and I know she’s trying to hook up with Simon too.  Well I’m not going to let that happen.  I followed Simon to his car after school to make sure he wasn’t with her

Saturday night my friends and I went to Finnigan’s to hang out.  That’s what we usually do when we’re bored.  They have the best chocolate eclairs.  There really isn’t much to do in Deerwood, California.

My dad came home late again last night.  I was texting with Marisa when I heard him coming up the stairs.  I knew it was coming.  I knew my mother was going to freak out about him coming home so late.  The light was on in the hallway and I could see shadows underneath the door.  My mother was standing there waiting for him.  As soon as he got to the top of the stairs my mother started questioning him.  He claimed to be working late but she didn’t believe him.  They were screaming at each other back and forth and I wanted them to stop.  I got out of bed and grabbed my razor blade from under my mattress.  I pulled down my pants and cut my thigh.  It felt good.

Today was a drag.  My house was so quiet. My parents walked around the house ignoring each other.  I wish they would stop torturing me.

Entry #2

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I was sitting in the cafeteria with a bunch of my friends when I spotted Simon. I think he was on his way to soccer practice because he had his uniform on. As he walked by his eyes met with mine and he smirked. He was with a few of his friends and when they saw me they started laughing. It made me angry. I think they’re just jealous of the kind of love that Simon and I have for each other.

I remember the first time I saw him. I was pissed at my parents for arguing so much. My mom was going to drive me to school but I didn’t want to be trapped in a car with her so I asked my bestie Marisa to pick me up.  Anyway, Marisa and I were on our way to class and he accidentally shoved past me. I turned around to tell him off but when I looked at him it was love at first sight. He apologized for bumping into me and asked me if I was okay. I told him I was fine and that I was just bummed about my parents. He said “Yeah, sometimes parents can be a drag,” and then he smiled at me. I instantly felt a connection with him. My own parents don’t get me, but he does. That’s why we belong together.

Last night I went to Marisa’s house to hang out. When I got there she was on her computer chatting with somebody. She’s always talking to guys online, and sometimes she sends pictures of herself. Apparently she’s been chatting with some guy named Stephen. He has a profile picture and Marisa thinks he’s gorgeous. I’m always skeptical when it comes to meeting guys online. His profile picture could be a random picture of somebody else. In my opinion, when it comes to the virtual world, what you see isn’t always what you get.

My Life Sucks-Entry #1

Dear Diary,

My name is Hanna Clark.  I’m seventeen years old and I’m a senior in high school.  My parents are downstairs fighting…AGAIN!  They fight all the time.  Probably because my dad is always working.  The other day I overheard them fighting about sex.  Apparently my mom thinks that my dad is having an affair.  She didn’t say it that way though .  It was more like “you’re f**king somebody else!”  Of course he denied it.  I don’t want to hear that crap!  Whenever they fight I put on my ipod earphones so I don’t have to listen to them yell and swear at each other.  They have no idea what this is doing to me.  Sometimes I cut myself on my wrists to get away from this sadness.  I keep a razor blade hidden under my mattress.  I wear a lot of long sleeves so nobody will know.  I’m not trying to kill myself.  I don’t cut deep enough to end my life, just deep enough to numb the pain for a little while.  People who see me think I’m really happy because I’ve gotten really good at faking a smile.

It never used to be this way.  We used to be a happy family that did things together, but now it’s like they can’t stand each other.  I can’t take it anymore.  I wish I could escape all of this.  Sometimes I want to run away and never come back.  What happens to me if my parents get divorced?  Will I have to live with my mom or my dad?  It’s not fair that I have to choose, but if I did I would probably live with my mom.

So there’s this guy at my school named Simon Richards and he’s on the soccer team.  I’m so in love with him and I know he loves me too.  He just doesn’t know it yet.  I could tell by the way he smiles at me in the hall.  He also accepted my friend request on Facebook.  I think about him all the time.  I have to make him understand that we are meant to be together.  If I can’t have him then nobody can.