Entry #16

Dear Diary,

I didn’t sleep very well last night. I had a dream that I was driving and I crashed. My car ended up in the ocean and I was trapped in the car. The car was filling up with water and I was banging on the window and gasping for air. I woke up in a cold sweat. I couldn’t fall back asleep right away. I just lay there and listened to Veronica mumble in her sleep. After a while I started to fall asleep again, but then it was time to get up. I was so tired. I rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Some girl was in there pacing and talking to herself about the headless clowns in her room. Then she tried to warn me that they might come for me next. Today was bacon and egg day for breakfast. Much better than dry toast. After breakfast when I met with my psychiatrist Dr. Shaw, I told him about the dream that I had. He said that the dream I had might mean that I’m overwhelmed or anxious about something. Duh! Of course I’m anxious. I’m stuck in this place for who knows how long. When I came here my parents were on the verge of a divorce. I don’t know what to expect when I get home. I’m still missing Simon like crazy. Dr. Shaw is trying to tell me that Simon and I were never together. I told him that he was wrong. Shortly after my meeting with Dr. Shaw, Veronica and I played cards in the common room. We played crazy eight countdown and she won. My mom came to visit me today. I could tell that she was nervous because she kept fiddling with her purse strap. My dad didn’t come to visit me.

Entry #15

So here I am in my drab room. The nights are the worst. I’m forced to sleep on this tiny bed with one measly pillow. I can barely sleep at night. This room feels so cold and my covers are so thin. I miss my own bed. I have a roommate and her name is Veronica. She is here because she tried to kill herself. Apparently she overdosed on 3000 milligrams of Lunesta. Her fiancé cheated on her with her best friend. When she confronted him about it he admitted it and told her that he wasn’t in love with her anymore. She’s a couple of years older than me and we have become friends. She shares her stories about her now ex-fiancé Kevin, and I share my stories about Simon and my messed up parents. Every morning around 7am the techs bang on everybody’s door to wake them up for breakfast. Then we have to line up against the wall like we’re in kindergarten to go to the cafeteria. The other day a girl stepped out of line and started going crazy. She was yelling and screaming about the voices in her head. They had to sedate her. Today I had dry toast and a cup of watery coffee for breakfast. I really miss Starbucks. Dr. Wilson referred me to a psychiatrist name Dr. Shaw. I meet with him every day after breakfast. Today he asked me the usual questions: do you feel like cutting yourself, are you sleeping well, how are you feeling. I told him that it’s really cold in my room at night. He said he would talk to them about giving me extra covers. I wonder how Marisa is doing, or who Marisa is doing haha. I’m not allowed to have a cell phone in my room and we could only use the phones here for 15 minutes at a time. Visitation is at 5pm every day. My parents are coming to visit me today. This should be interesting.