Entry #9

Dear Diary,

Marisa and I went to a bonfire party with some friends and it was just what I needed. I didn’t even tell my parents that I was going. I just left and I doubt they noticed. It was nice getting out of my toxic environment for a night. Everybody was drinking and having a good time. Marisa had guys falling all over her, like usual. She’s so pretty and she exudes confidence. She has no problem meeting guys, so I don’t know why she bothers with the losers online. When I got home I found my dad sleeping on the couch. Shocker! It was really late and my parents weren’t waiting up for me. Most of my friends would love it if their parents didn’t hassle them about coming home late, but sometimes I wish my parents would give a damn. They’re so wrapped up in themselves and so busy fighting all the time that they don’t really see what I’m going through. Sometimes I feel like I don’t exist. I wish I could go back in time to my tenth birthday. That’s the best memory I have of my parents because we were all happy. Why did things have to change?

The most amazing thing happened at school today. I was sitting in the cafeteria eating lunch with Marisa and the gang when Simon walked in and sat down at the table right next to ours. I doubt that was a coincidence. I think he wanted to sit next to me. I looked at him and he smiled at me. It’s only a matter of time until he asks me to the winter formal. Maybe I’ll lose my virginity. He still doesn’t know that the letter he found in his locker is from me, and I think I’m going to keep it that way.

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Entry #8

Dear Diary,

This has been a crappy week because I was sick for most of it. I managed to get to school one day this week and now I have so much homework to catch up on. The good news is I ran into Simon in the hall after third period. We talked about the winter formal, which takes place next Saturday night. I know that he’s going to ask me to be his date. He’s going to look so good in his suit. I have to buy a dress!

So, we had our second therapy session with Dr. Wilson and it wasn’t any better than the first. My dad was late, so at first it was just the two of us. Nobody said anything. I swear the room was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. Then Dr. Wilson started asking me questions. He asked me about school and my relationships. I told him about my best friend Marisa and her obsession with meeting guys online. I also told him about my boyfriend Simon. I told him how happy we are together and about the winter formal. I really enjoyed talking about him. Just saying his name made me smile. Then my dad stormed in the room and apologized for being late. Apparently he was in a meeting, but my mother didn’t believe him. She accused him of being with another woman. My mother sat at one end of the couch, my dad sat at the other end and I sat in the middle. They started screaming at each other. I almost lost it. I wanted to cut myself. I dug my nails into my hand until I bled and they all noticed. My parents stopped yelling at each other and all of their attention was on me. I liked it.

Entry #7

Dear Diary,

I decided to write Simon a letter.  I explained that we’re meant to be together and he should stay away from Stacy Carter.  I told him that she doesn’t love him the way that I do, but I didn’t tell him that it was from me.  Not yet, but I will when the time is right.  I stuck it in his locker before first period and hid behind the corner to watch him open it.  He smiled and looked around to see who it was from.  A couple of his buddies walked up to him and they jokingly grabbed the letter from his hand.  I’m so glad that I wrote the letter anonymously.

I think Marisa finally ditched that loser Stephen.  They were supposed to hang out and once again he never showed up.  I think she finally came to her senses and blocked him.  She’s talking to another guy she met online.  Apparently he’s in college and lives on campus.  They’ve been chatting for a little while.  Let’s see what happens with this one.

It’s been rough at home.  My parents are still constantly fighting.  Sometimes they fight about the dumbest things.  Like yesterday, my mom asked my dad to pick up milk on his way home from work, but he forgot.  He apologized and said he would go back out to get it, but she totally flipped out.  It was like she was a different person all of a sudden.  Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  Then all hell broke loose.  I tried to get my parents to calm down but they just told me to stay out of it.  I couldn’t take the yelling anymore, so I ran up to my room and grabbed my razor blade from under my mattress and cut myself.  As soon as the razor blade hit my skin it was instant relief.

Entry #6

Dear Diary,

We had our first therapy session a couple of nights ago with Dr. Wilson and it was really boring. We just sat there while he asked us a bunch of stupid questions. He asked my parents what the problem is in their marriage. We don’t have to go to therapy to answer that question because it’s simple. I think my parents just got married too young and married for the wrong reasons. As a baby I was the glue holding them together, but now that I’m older and can take care of myself they realized that they really have nothing in common. My dad is never home because he hates being there and my mom is lonely. I wanted to say all that, but I didn’t. I just sat there quietly and played with my nails. Then he asked my parents the million dollar question. He asked them if they still love each other. I could tell it was an awkward moment for my dad because he kept fidgeting. Neither of them spoke. Then he asked me what I want to get out of therapy, but I couldn’t really answer that question. I don’t really want to get anything out of therapy. I don’t even want to go to therapy, but I was dragged there against my will. I wore a long sleeve shirt because I didn’t want him to see the scars. My parents don’t even know about them.

I finally got Simon’s cell phone number. I snuck into the guys locker room during soccer practice and took his iphone from his locker. I called myself from his phone and was about to put it back when I noticed he had a missed call from Stacy Carter! That bitch! I quickly put his phone back and got out of there before somebody saw me. What am I going to do about that girl?

Entry #5

Dear Diary,

Marisa is still talking to that loser Stephen. Even after he stood her up, she’s still giving him the time of day. How could she possibly believe that he went to the wrong place??? She told him to meet her at Finnigan’s and there’s only one Finnigan’s in Deerwood. Duh! I really don’t trust this guy.

So, I did something kind of crazy this weekend. I was jonesing for Simon so I searched his last name to find his phone number. His last name is Richards. There are so many listed in Deerwood. I must have called about one hundred numbers before I finally found him. I recognized his deep sexy voice. Anyway, as soon as he answered the phone I chickened out and hung up. My plan was to tell him how I feel about him, but I decided it wasn’t a good time. I want that moment to be special. At least now I know where he lives. I added him to my contacts on my blackberry.

My parents came into my room Saturday morning to talk. They think it’s a good for us to start going to family therapy. I don’t think my dad always has to work late. I think he just uses that as an excuse to avoid spending time with us. I think he hates his life. When my parents were young my dad knocked up my mom. My dad married her because he felt it was the right thing to do. Now they hate each other. My mom is constantly complaining about him, and now they want to go to therapy? To tell you the truth I’m scared. I’m afraid to get my hopes up just to be disappointed. I mean, I don’t want my dad to leave, but I don’t want them together if they’re just going to fight all the time. So, where does that leave me?

Entry #4

Dear Diary,

School was a drag.  Stacy Carter wore the shortest skirt I have ever seen.  If she bent over everybody would see her cookie.  She is such a slut.  I saw her hanging out at Simon’s locker and I had a mental breakdown.  She’s obviously into him.  Doesn’t she know that we’re together? Why on earth would Simon want her when he has me?  She better watch her back.

I spaced out during English today.  Marisa and I kept texting each other to stay awake.  She asked me to skip fourth period with her to go and meet Stephen.  They have been chatting online and now he wants to meet.  He’s a little older than her.  I think he’s in college.  Apparently, he drives a silver mustang and his parents are loaded.  I’ve seen his picture.  Yeah, he looked cute, but I wanted to know if he was real, so I agreed to go with her.  Besides, she’s my best friend so there was no way I was going to let her go by herself.  Anyway, Marisa told him to meet her at Finnigan’s.  She picked that place because it’s close by and we’re regulars so everybody there knows us.  When we got there we ordered a coffee and a chocolate elcair to split.  Did I mention that they have the best chocolate eclairs?  Anyway, we sat by the window and waited for prince charming but he never showed up!  I bet everything he told Marisa was a lie.

When I got home my parents were sitting on opposite sides of the couch watching tv.  I was actually surprised that my dad was home because he usually works late.

As soon as I reached my bedroom I got a text from Marisa.  When she logged into the chat room Stephen was online and told her that he showed up at the wrong place.  All I have to say is WHATEVER!

Entry #3

Dear Diary,

I’m lying in bed but I can’t sleep.  I can’t stop thinking about Simon.  I haven’t seen him all weekend and I’m going crazy.  I miss him so much that it hurts.  I’m actually looking forward to going to school tomorrow so we can see each other.  The last time I saw him was Friday after fifth period.  He was standing in the hall talking to that slut Stacy Carter.  She sleeps with everyone and I know she’s trying to hook up with Simon too.  Well I’m not going to let that happen.  I followed Simon to his car after school to make sure he wasn’t with her

Saturday night my friends and I went to Finnigan’s to hang out.  That’s what we usually do when we’re bored.  They have the best chocolate eclairs.  There really isn’t much to do in Deerwood, California.

My dad came home late again last night.  I was texting with Marisa when I heard him coming up the stairs.  I knew it was coming.  I knew my mother was going to freak out about him coming home so late.  The light was on in the hallway and I could see shadows underneath the door.  My mother was standing there waiting for him.  As soon as he got to the top of the stairs my mother started questioning him.  He claimed to be working late but she didn’t believe him.  They were screaming at each other back and forth and I wanted them to stop.  I got out of bed and grabbed my razor blade from under my mattress.  I pulled down my pants and cut my thigh.  It felt good.

Today was a drag.  My house was so quiet. My parents walked around the house ignoring each other.  I wish they would stop torturing me.