My Life Sucks-Entry #1

Dear Diary,

My name is Hanna Clark.  I’m seventeen years old and I’m a senior in high school.  My parents are downstairs fighting…AGAIN!  They fight all the time.  Probably because my dad is always working.  The other day I overheard them fighting about sex.  Apparently my mom thinks that my dad is having an affair.  She didn’t say it that way though .  It was more like “you’re f**king somebody else!”  Of course he denied it.  I don’t want to hear that crap!  Whenever they fight I put on my ipod earphones so I don’t have to listen to them yell and swear at each other.  They have no idea what this is doing to me.  Sometimes I cut myself on my wrists to get away from this sadness.  I keep a razor blade hidden under my mattress.  I wear a lot of long sleeves so nobody will know.  I’m not trying to kill myself.  I don’t cut deep enough to end my life, just deep enough to numb the pain for a little while.  People who see me think I’m really happy because I’ve gotten really good at faking a smile.

It never used to be this way.  We used to be a happy family that did things together, but now it’s like they can’t stand each other.  I can’t take it anymore.  I wish I could escape all of this.  Sometimes I want to run away and never come back.  What happens to me if my parents get divorced?  Will I have to live with my mom or my dad?  It’s not fair that I have to choose, but if I did I would probably live with my mom.

So there’s this guy at my school named Simon Richards and he’s on the soccer team.  I’m so in love with him and I know he loves me too.  He just doesn’t know it yet.  I could tell by the way he smiles at me in the hall.  He also accepted my friend request on Facebook.  I think about him all the time.  I have to make him understand that we are meant to be together.  If I can’t have him then nobody can.